Scraps of the Week 2/26

These scraps are my children. I created them much like God created his, but mine took longer to make and behave better. Like God, I test my children. I pit them against each other and pick favorites. These are the children I’ve chosen to kill publicly. I’ve put them here on display as a warning to my other children. It is not enough to be well made, you must serve a greater purpose. These selfish creations had no place in my grand scheme. Here they rest, in the body of this blogpost.

“You didn’t fit with my thesis”

From a blogpost on speculative fiction:

Most movies need a director’s cut like Wes Welker needs a concussion. But the theatrical cut of Blade Runner needed to be revisited. There are 5 cuts of Blade Runner

  • The Workprint. (1982)
  • The Theatrical Cut. (1982)
  • The International Cut. (1982)
  • The Director’s Cut. (1992)
  • The Final Cut. (2007)

All of them feature coverage of Pan Am. Big Ridley had two chances to shy away from Pan Am after its collapse, and he did not. Why? Because he is not George Lucas. And because speculative fiction is not about predictions. It is about Current trends + time. This makes it fundamentally about the present. It is a place to sound warnings and magnify stakes.

Big Ridley

From an essay on throwing: 

You just started hiking Solstice Canyon in Malibu Creek State Park. You brought an apple for the midpoint vista, but weak willed as you are, you’ve already finished the damn thing. Now you’ve either got to pitch it off the trail or carry it for the next 6 miles. You decide introducing a nonindigenous apple tree to Malibu Canyon is well worth being rid of the thing–so you pitch it off the trail. Did you put any air under it? Yeah, you did. You let it fly. You tossed it further than you had to. Why? Because throwing feels good.

A hike for stoners of all ages

From a breakup text sent to my (ex)girlfriend the vegan:

I understand killing animals. Poor people do it to eat. The hungry can kill. They can poach. For all I care, they can eat cats. Some people have bigger problems than being nice to animals. Caring about where shampoos get tested, or the living conditions of chickens is as much a luxury as running water and toilet paper. PETA has no answer for a $1.99 pack of hot dogs.

3 thoughts on “Scraps of the Week 2/26

  1. Absolutely amazing introduction. It in and of itself deserve to be a blog post. I really love your satire.
    Also, you crossed the line with your exgirlfriend. That was some classy redicule. SALUTE.


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